Scissor Sisters re-Mastered

Answer me this, Johnny Fanboy,

Why did the Master play an edited version of the Scissor Sisters' "I Can't Decide" (without F-words) in the Doctor Who Series 3 finale, Last of the Time Lords? Despite beating up his wife and having a bondage relationship with the Joneses and Captain Jack, is he secretly a bit of a prude?

Nicky Smith

Johnny Fanboy replies:

I can't decide between three possibilities:

1. In fact, the Master played the full version, but of course the BBC was forced to omit the F-words from the broadcast version of this event, because Doctor Who is a family show. (Had it been Torchwood, it would have been a different matter - in fact, they might have added some more naughty words just for the sake of it!) We never witness characters using such language in Who on television (though we have done in New Adventures novels). Presumably they do still use such language from time to time, but we never hear it.

2. The Master is so evil that rather than buy or download the track legally, like any normal law-abiding citizen, he recorded it from Radio 1. The fiend! I can just imagine him thumbing his nose at that Federation Against Copyright Theft ad: YOU WOULDN'T STEAL A CAR. "Actually I would. And then I'd shrink its owner down to the size of a doll. Heh, heh, heh!" YOU WOULDN'T STEAL A HANDBAG. "Actually, I would. Useful for keeping the doll-size corpses in. Heh, heh, heh!" YOU WOULDN'T STEAL A MOVIE. "Actually, I used to steal the show on a regular basis back in the '70s. Heh, heh, heh!"

3. He is secretly a bit of a prude. This is why the only television programmes he ever watches are kids' shows.

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