me this, Johnny Fanboy,
Why did the Master play an edited version of the Scissor Sisters'
"I Can't Decide" (without F-words) in the Doctor Who
Series 3 finale, Last of the Time Lords? Despite beating
up his wife and having a bondage relationship with the Joneses
and Captain Jack, is he secretly a bit of a prude?
can't decide between three possibilities:
In fact, the Master played the full version, but of course
the BBC was forced to omit the F-words from the broadcast
version of this event, because Doctor Who is a family
show. (Had it been Torchwood, it would have been a
different matter - in fact, they might have added some more
naughty words just for the sake of it!) We never witness characters
using such language in Who on television (though we
have done in New Adventures novels). Presumably they
do still use such language from time to time, but we never
2. The Master is so evil that rather than buy or download
the track legally, like any normal law-abiding citizen, he
recorded it from Radio 1. The fiend! I can just imagine him
thumbing his nose at that Federation Against Copyright Theft
ad: YOU WOULDN'T STEAL A CAR. "Actually I would. And then
I'd shrink its owner down to the size of a doll. Heh, heh,
heh!" YOU WOULDN'T STEAL A HANDBAG. "Actually, I would. Useful
for keeping the doll-size corpses in. Heh, heh, heh!" YOU
WOULDN'T STEAL A MOVIE. "Actually, I used to steal the show
on a regular basis back in the '70s. Heh, heh, heh!"
3. He is secretly a bit of a prude. This is why the
only television programmes he ever watches are kids' shows.